Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Reflecting...

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You all know I have been doing some self-reflecting recently. I have come to the conclusion that I shouldn't have to change myself because some asshole at work was trying to hit on me and hinting toward other things. I didn't do anything to provoke or ask for his attention! I am who I am and I like me...yes, I am still working on the loving myself, but that will take some time.

I do however need to get some toughness built up behind the kind heart that everyone has been telling me I have. My "thing" is being nice, understanding, and kind-hearted. I don't wanna be friends with everyone, but I pride myself in getting along with nearly everyone I meet. Maybe that is what made me a "target" for this jerk-off at work? I pride myself on being a genuine individual, so I am assuming that made me someone that he wanted to "get to know" on a personal level that I was not willing to stoop down to. Sure, as I said before, I am not a strong person on the inside, but I try to portray myself as being strong on the outside. Again-I am just making assumptions here-that may have been a "turn on" to him. So disgusting!

What is the point of changing who I am? If I am going to make changes, it is not going to be due to some crap-head that wants to screw every woman he meets! I am going to make changes to myself for #1...ME!

As I said before, I am making a few physical changes...who doesn't every now and again. I decided just after Christmas that I was tired of maintaining short hair, so I figured I would start growing my hair out again. As far as my make-up, I enjoy looking nice, but there are occasions for being "dressed up" and then there is the "every day" look. I just need to refine how I want my outward appearance on a daily basis. The only person I need to impress is my husband. He is the one who I get dressed up for, the one I WANT to look good for... If other people look at me, that's great, but that is not my goal. The one person that I want to keep eyes on me is my husband. His opinion is what matters most to me!

My inner strength and self-confidence just need a boost, but as I look deeply into my heart and soul, my family and friends already know who I am and I know I DO NOT need to change for them. I don't need to change for complete strangers either! If I look confident to them for the short time that they see me, who cares! All my life I have cared about what other people think of me. It is time for me to change that way of thinking!

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There you have it...I will always be reflecting on myself, but when it comes down to it...when I make changes, they are ultimately because I want them to be made! I want to love me for those change,s not regret them.

1 comment:

Ashley said...

Good for you! Those are the right reasons to make change. xo