You all know I have been doing some self-reflecting recently. I have come to the conclusion that I shouldn't have to change myself because some asshole at work was trying to hit on me and hinting toward other things. I didn't do anything to provoke or ask for his attention! I am who I am and I like me...yes, I am still working on the loving myself, but that will take some time.
I do however need to get some toughness built up behind the kind heart that everyone has been telling me I have. My "thing" is being nice, understanding, and kind-hearted. I don't wanna be friends with everyone, but I pride myself in getting along with nearly everyone I meet. Maybe that is what made me a "target" for this jerk-off at work? I pride myself on being a genuine individual, so I am assuming that made me someone that he wanted to "get to know" on a personal level that I was not willing to stoop down to. Sure, as I said before, I am not a strong person on the inside, but I try to portray myself as being strong on the outside. Again-I am just making assumptions here-that may have been a "turn on" to him. So disgusting!
What is the point of changing who I am? If I am going to make changes, it is not going to be due to some crap-head that wants to screw every woman he meets! I am going to make changes to myself for #1...ME!
As I said before, I am making a few physical changes...who doesn't every now and again. I decided just after Christmas that I was tired of maintaining short hair, so I figured I would start growing my hair out again. As far as my make-up, I enjoy looking nice, but there are occasions for being "dressed up" and then there is the "every day" look. I just need to refine how I want my outward appearance on a daily basis. The only person I need to impress is my husband. He is the one who I get dressed up for, the one I WANT to look good for... If other people look at me, that's great, but that is not my goal. The one person that I want to keep eyes on me is my husband. His opinion is what matters most to me!
My inner strength and self-confidence just need a boost, but as I look deeply into my heart and soul, my family and friends already know who I am and I know I DO NOT need to change for them. I don't need to change for complete strangers either! If I look confident to them for the short time that they see me, who cares! All my life I have cared about what other people think of me. It is time for me to change that way of thinking!
There you have it...I will always be reflecting on myself, but when it comes down to it...when I make changes, they are ultimately because I want them to be made! I want to love me for those change,s not regret them.